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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Few (I should say many) Thoughts From the South

A friend of mine sent me a reminder of what my growing up world was all about and is still about somewhat because of where I live. I liked it so much I thought I would take the time and effort to post it on my blog. There are many of us women here in the South that can identify with much of the dialog below. Also, when you (me) are going through a sort-of dry blogging spell, funnies like SOUTHERN WOMEN fill the gap! (It's a little long but bear with it to the end) Greg P - this one is for you!

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir".

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crik

Southern women know the joys of June, July and August:
Colorful high-heeled sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know every body's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country Ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with Momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern women know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Additional Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you do not "HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc make up "a mess".

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder".

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in "Going to town, be back directly".

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece". They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck and a good ol' boy and Po white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,...And when we're "in line,"...We talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to cook and eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and LOTS of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you do not want buttermilk.

And true Southerners know that you do not scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 mph on the freeway. You just say "Bless her heart".......And go your own way.


To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff,....Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southerness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could".

7 comments:

Greg P. said...

Oooooooooohhh DOGGIES! That southern ain't it?

I know football is a southern religion, but, I didn't know it was BEHIND Baptist and Methodist.

BTW, y'all got Lane Kiffin coaching now at U of T
......bless your heart.

Do y'all live just up the road from Mimfiss?

I'm feelin' a might poorly. Think I might need some fried chicken.

No comment on grits.

Hey, us yankees up here in Illinois got us a big ol' mess tonight. Our governor, Rod Blagojevich, was arrested this morning for trying to sell Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. I think he might be in need of a whole mess a fried chicken. Enough to share with his cellmates.

Wouldn't ya think a Chicago politician could at least put in a fix and get away with it!

What's this world comin' to!

Great post Donna! I loved it ... and I got me some learnin' tonight.

donnaj said...

Sorry to hear about your politics troubles but I'm sure you are not suprised. My faith was long ago lost in the politicians of this country. Glad to be able to educate you on the southern way of life! Wonder if we'll have accents in heaven? Can't wait to find out! Almost forgot - Lane Kiffin - we'll just see what he can do. We Volunteers are not good at loosing. Hope he's as good as he says he is and all his predictions come true.

alliekat said...

Greg...Well bless your heart! Something that she forgot that comes from her neck of the woods is "Youins"...as in "youins comin' over tonight?" Us more educated Southerners don't usually use that terminology but it definitely is something that we hear all the time! Just wanted to enlightin' ya some more.

Mitchell said...

OOOOOOOOOWEEE!!! Just love all the southern talk. I understood every word. I truly feel sorry for those poor people that don't live in the south. "Bless their hearts" Saw a bumper sticker once that said...American by birth, SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD!
AMEN

BethAnne said...

I declare! I do think my sister is making fun of my husband who actually does believe that "you-uns" is a word. As I was reading this post, I realized that I relate to each and every line of it.....aint it good to be from the South? (sorry Greg - and yes, I know ya'll won the war ;-)

Greg P. said...

"I declare". Now you didn't mention that one Donna. Beth, did you get that from Gone With the Wind?

Let me hear you say, "I'll nevah leave Tara"!

Mitchell, OOOOOOOOOOWEE. I KNOW that's south! I like it better than OOOOOOOOOHH DOGGIES!

I'm from the SOUTH side of Chicago. Does that count? Uh, maybe not. Leroy Brown was from the south side of Chicago also. And he was bad, bad Leroy Brown, meanest cat in the whole darn town.

Sue said...

Absolutely LOVED the "southernisms"!

I love the South and my husband and I are hoping to move to Tennessee some day...

Happy New Year to you and yours! God bless you in 2009.