Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Few (I should say many) Thoughts From the South

A friend of mine sent me a reminder of what my growing up world was all about and is still about somewhat because of where I live. I liked it so much I thought I would take the time and effort to post it on my blog. There are many of us women here in the South that can identify with much of the dialog below. Also, when you (me) are going through a sort-of dry blogging spell, funnies like SOUTHERN WOMEN fill the gap! (It's a little long but bear with it to the end) Greg P - this one is for you!

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir".

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crik

Southern women know the joys of June, July and August:
Colorful high-heeled sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know every body's first name:

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Country Ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with Momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Foat Wuth

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern women know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Additional Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you do not "HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc make up "a mess".

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder".

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in "Going to town, be back directly".

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece". They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck and a good ol' boy and Po white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,...And when we're "in line,"...We talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to cook and eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and LOTS of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you do not want buttermilk.

And true Southerners know that you do not scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 mph on the freeway. You just say "Bless her heart".......And go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff,....Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southerness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could".

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Phone Torture

Have you ever had someone call you on the phone and the absolutely whole time you are talking you feel like you are being dragged down, down, down? I just had a call like that a few moments ago and honestly by the time I got off the phone my frame of mind was mad, depressed, bitter and a few other feelings that I won't share at this point. I suppose that I have no one to blame in this but myself. Over and over again and again I have told myself that people that drag us down and make us feel like the opposites of the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, patience, faith, kindness, goodness, self-control, and peace) should be omitted from our daily lives. Now, having said that, let me say this - I have really tried to be helpful. IT IS NOT WORKING!!!!!!!!!!! This person is one of those people who asks for advice and never agrees with what you say - even when backed up with scripture. Each day they have a new crisis and their problems are of their very own making. I want to say, "can you not see what you are doing to your marriage, your children and yourself?". For some of you that are smarter than me, where do I go from here? Maybe I should let you know, this is not someone that I can completely cut out of my life. They are extended family............need I say more!

On to more pleasant subjects. Hubby and I made progress today with outside Christmas decorations. We officially have deer that are moving and lit and presents under a tree at our driveway entrance. Wreaths are at the doors with a snowman to greet you before you knock. I have done some of my shopping but have sworn to have it all done by week's end. Our tree is standing in wait for professional decorators Lake and Kaden. They are coming on Saturday to make our tree as special as theirs and also to make some Christmas cookies. Can't wait to have some Memaw time with two great little boys who are growing up too fast!

I am really trying this year to not wish this season away. I have been guilty these past few years of dreading all that has to be done. I know - my fault. I hope to slow my pace down and not put so much pressure on myself (and hubby) to get everything done and done perfectly. I truly want to enjoy December and focus on Jesus. I find that over the years I have dwelt on the manager more than I have on the cross at Christmas. It is impossible to separate the two. I think how sad God the Father must have been to send His Son knowing what He would have to go through for sinners such as I. I think how unselfish and full of love Jesus the Son was to be willing to suffer the pain and humiliation for someone like me. The manager was such a simple and humble beginning - the Cross a horrible and necessary sacrifice - the Resurrection a glorious and victorious triumph over evil and sin. Thank you Father God for sending your Son and thank you Lord Jesus for you willingness to come.

By the way - for those two of you who read my blog, don't worry about answering the question at the end of the first paragraph (where do I go from here?). The answer is simple - go to the One who really has all the answers.